Potter's 7
by Mists
Summary: This is a crazy parody spoof of the movie "Ocean's 11" with HP characters playing out the parts. Trust me you will laugh, a lot. Harry as Danny and Ron as Rusty. Need I say more?


Disclaimer: This is a parody spoof of the movie _Ocean's 11 _with HP characters. Man I love that movie. I own nothing and am making no money off of this. It's just for a laugh. This idea just popped into my head. It was so funny I just had to write it out. Hope you all enjoy it.

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><p><strong>- Potter's 7-<strong>

**By: Mists**

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><p>Lee Jordan struts out to a podium in the middle of a spot lit room. A blank movie screen shines eagerly behind him. He clears his throat and begins to read off of the script.<p>

"_In a world gone mad, Harry Potter has been sent to Azkaban for breaking into Gringotts Bank. Now he's out, and his main goal… to get back his wo-man!"_

Lavender and Parvati whoop it up in the audience as Harry is shown walking out of prison on the screen.

"_Harry Potter is Danny Ocean in… __Potter's 7__,"_ read Lee dramatically.

The girls in the crowd whistle at the screen.

Harry is then shown talking to Ron (who is wearing a stylish suit) at a poker table. "I need to get your sister back, mate," sighs Harry. "She's everything to me."

"_Ron Weasley is the strategist, Rusty Ryan."_

The fan girls swoon.

"That ain't going to be easy. She's really pissed at you. So pissed in fact that she's dating you're hated enemy to get vengeance on you."

"Who?"

The scene cuts to Draco Malfoy, hanging onto a sick looking Ginny saying, "Congratulations, you're The-Man-Who-Ain't-Gonna-Live."

The audience boos.

"_Draco Malfoy is the douche, Terry Benedict."_

The scene shifts back to Harry as he's shuffling cards. "I gotta show Ginny I love her. And the only way to do that…is to steal Malfoy blind."

"Uh, Harry… Ignoring the fact that those two things have _nothing_ to do with one another, Draco owns _The Emerald Serpent,_ the most well protected magical casino in all the Wizarding World. You're crazy."

"We did the Gringotts job, right? Besides, I'm giving you a chance to get Malfoy, I thought you'd be thrilled."

"I am," said Ron with an evil grin. "But you're still crazy."

"You're just figuring that out now?"

"_Potter, now reunited with his wingman, goes out to get the band back together!"_

Dean Thomas is shown walking away from a massive explosion that has Michael Bay written all over it. "Ahh… what a glorious display of art!" he exclaims as a disguised Ron and Harry save him from the Aurors.

"_Dean Thomas is the pyro, Basher Tarr."_

Fred and George are shown looking down at a piece of paper.

"The hell?" asks Fred as he points down at the page.

"Yeah," says George. "Who are these guys? Virgil and Turk Malloy?"

"We can't play them. Not only does their last name sound like _Malfoy, _but it says we have to fight with one another. George and I never disagree!"

"Uh Fred…yeah we do."

"No, we don't."

"Yes, we do!"

"No, we don't!"

"_Fred and George Weasley are the siblings, Virgil and Turk Malloy."_

"**No, we aren't!"** yell the twins indignantly.

The scene then cuts to Professor Dumbledore adjusting his purple suit in a full length mirror.

"Are you sure you're up for this, sir?" asks Harry as he stands next to his mentor.

"I do believe so. Tell me Harry… what do you see in the mirror?"

"Uh….Professor. You do know this isn't _The Mirror of __Erised_, right?"

"Yes, yes, of course I do. There'd be socks everywhere if it was."

Harry just rolls his eyes as Aberforth can be seen chasing a goat in the background.

"_Albus Dumbledore is Saul Bloom, dah Old man."  
><em>

As the crowd laughs, the scene then shifts to Harry and Ron in a bar. Ron is resting his head on the counter, staring blankly off into the distance.

"Six should do it, don't you think?"

"…"

"Do you think we need one more?"

"…"

"You think we need one more."

"…"

"Alright, we'll get one more."

Neville is then shown walking into the room with the others. He exclaims, "Hi guys!"

"Shut up, Neville," the others grumble.

"_Neville Longbottom is Linus Caldwell, aka the Kid."_

"Aw…" says Neville dejectedly as the jazz music swells and everyone starts to talk about the heist.

_"Harry and Ron lay out the plan."_

"So you plan to get out of there with 150 million Galleons, without getting stopped?"

"Yeah…"

"You're crazy," says Neville.

"Already told him that," replies Ron.

Oh snap, the audience goes.

The scene then moves to Ginny in a gold dress, holding a glass of white wine. She sips it slowly while watching Hagrid punch Harry hard in the gut on her TV.

"Hagrid," gasps Harry in pain, "you were only supposed to _pretend_ to punch me."

"But that's not what Ginny said," Hagrid replies as he helps Harry up.

Ginny just grins at the TV screen and takes another sip of her wine.

"_Ginny Weasley is Tess Ocean, Danny's beautiful estranged wife."_

The scene then shifts to Ginny and Harry sitting at a dinner table.

"Now they tell me that I've paid my debt to the world-" says Harry.

But Ginny cuts him off, "Funny, I never got a check."

It quickly cuts back to Harry and Ron talking to one another.

"Why do this?" asks Ron to Harry.

"Because when life gives you lemons, you burn the House down... with the _lemons_," says Harry in a serious voice.

"You've been practicing that line, haven't you?"

"A little bit…Did I rush it? It felt like I rushed it…"

"No it was good, I liked it," replies Ron as he gives Harry's shoulder a pat.

"_And coming soon…the sequel: __Potter's 7 ½.__"_

Hermione shows up in front of Ron wearing a sexy red jacket.

She leans in and whispers, "Next time I see you. I'm arresting you."

"Oh are you now?"

"Kiss me," she says seductively.

"Yes ma'am."

Hermione then grabs him by the tie and they start making out.

Off screen you can hear Harry yell, "_Oi! _We're trying to make a movie here!"

Hermione, still kissing Ron, takes out her wand and sends a hex off to the side.

A yelp of pain can be heard immediately after.

"_Hermione Granger is the sexy police woman, Isabel Lahiri." _

"Damn straight she is," growls Ron as they go back to making out.

"_And don't forget to check out other classics by our Hogwarts Players like __Gone with the Owls,_ _Witch You Were Here,_ _and of course __Scarhead.__"_

Harry comes out in a white suit and says, "First you gets the power…" taking out the Elder Wand.

"Then you gets the wo-man," he says as he grabs and kisses Ginny.

"Then- uh…um…ah… profit?" Harry asks with a shrug.

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><p><strong>-The End-<strong>

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><p><strong>Author's Notes: <strong>Yeah I totally went wild with this thing. Yes, I'm insane. Hope you enjoyed my craziness. Please review!


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